Didn’t Know I Didn’t Know

Last Sunday I had the wonderful opportunity to share Conscious Acts of Grace and Celebration Circles with over 200 people. I was thrilled when, within an hour, two women told me they had already started planning a Celebration Circle for a loved one.

I later learned, though, that one women was in tears afterwards. She told a friend of mine that she was upset because of mistakes she had made with her parents. She was feeling guilt and remorse.

The LAST thing I want to do as I spread this message is to say anything that encourages guilt! I did things very differently with my mom than I did with my dad. It was during Dad’s dying process that I realized how much I did not know. Even though I had worked in mental health for three decades, I was ill equipped to know what to do to best support him, my mom, and myself emotionally, physically, and spiritually.

I did not know that I did not know. His process moved me to the place of knowing I did not know. This sent me on a quest of learning.

Someone asked me once why she should attend my workshop when she didn’t have anyone in her world who was in the dying process. My response was I do not want to wait until the roof is falling on my head before I learn how to use a hammer. I want to pick it out, buy it, and practice with it well before I am in a crisis situation and need to know how to use it. The last thing we need to be trying to do when we are in a crisis with a loved one is to try to figure out how to maneuver the physical, financial, and life changes all while in a heightened emotional state!

Always remember, you did the best you could with what you knew at the time. And, if you are reading this it is likely that there are things that you know you don’t know. I invite you to get the tools now. Mom lived six more years. During that time I learned, studied, shared, and grew tremendously in my understanding of how to be with her decline and then her death. This left me with a sense of no regrets and for that I am very grateful.

2 Responses to “Didn’t Know I Didn’t Know”

  1. Your place is valueble for me. Thanks!

  2. I really enjoyed this post, especially the “examples in this post” portion which made it really easy for me to SEE what you were talking about without even having to leave the article. Thanks

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